tlantchi (tlantchi) wrote,
tlantchi
tlantchi

... waaaaaaaah

Well, today was monumental enough to be posted in my journal so here goes:

My school day was actually really good, if a bit overworked. First period was free and I had the laptop so I sat happily and did internet. Second period was pretty relaxing too, since we just watched Ratatouille. 3rd period was productive and I finished some backgrounds for yearbook. $th period was hectic. In Stagecraft Mr. Sands is starting to get crazy over the opening of Seussical, and I would up working for an hour and a half straight with no breaks, and not even any time to just stand still. He even yelled at me once, but he was right about what I was doing wrong even if he did tell me in a mean way and he did apologize later so I was fine. After Stagecraft I had a 10-minute break and then went to work on the stage stuff again for another hour and a half straight. Suffice to say I was completely worn out by the time Dad came to get me.

So I was pretty much happy with my day, if tired, until Dad told me that someone had eaten the two pieces of pizza I was saving specially for lunch tomorrow and made a point of telling everyone so. Suddenly a billion things came crashing down out of nowhere. I started crying in the car and didn't stop for at least another hour. I actually wound up going inside with a shirt over my head so no one would realize how upset I really was and missing supper because I was in my room crying and trying to stop crying while everyone else ate. My Mom came and stayed with me, since she's good about knowing when I need her, but it was still bad. I eventually figured out that I was not upset because someone had eaten my pizza, or because I wouldn't have it in my lunch, but because I make an effort to listen to everything everyone says to me and remember it. I take the words most people don't pay attention to and treat them like they matter, and it hurts when people don't pay me the same courtesy. Reeally hurts. I abide by "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" and it's actually my way of telling people how I want to be treated. I never do all the little things that annoy me to other people even if it doesn't annoy them, and it's my way of saying "don't do this to me." But all too often no one pays enough attention to notice. At school it's okay, because my friends are all really nice and considerate and smart, but at home sometimes it gets so bad that I almost feel as though the rest of the family is brushing everything I say off as stupid and unimportant. It's been upsetting me for years, but I was so busy making sure everyone else was okay that I didn't notice it until now. It hurt. I think I may finally give in to the wish to spend most of my time in my room that I've been resisting for about half a year in an effort to stay social with my family.

Sorry for the length.
Tags: crying, onandon
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